Discovery...

Hello Dear Ones,  Welcome back to my little piece of the world. I have been away for awhile, attending to a friend who is suffering through a very deep, dark depression. A suicide attempt was made, though unintentional, and it involved a stay for them in a psychiatric ward for a week, receiving the counseling and help they need to get back on track. I am praying with all my heart and soul that this will be the beginning of the long road back for my friend. My heart hurts at the pain they have endured.

In all of this mess, I have been forced to embark on my own journey of self discovery. I am finding things about myself that I am not sure I like so much and some things that aren't so bad. And yesterday, I had a huge revelation, one I want to share with all of you. All of my life I have had very few friends. The friends that I do have are friends for a lifetime, but there are still very few of them. I have always had a difficult time making friends. Many times I feel that people don't understand me and most often it is because I don't understand other people. I have always labeled myself different, strange, and even weird.

But now, I think I have discovered a portion of why this is. All my life I have been taught to be myself. I have been taught to be genuine, to be real. With me, what you see is what you get. I am simple and uncomplicated. If you see me laughing, you know I am happy. If I cry, I am sad. If I look in your eyes and tell you how sorry I am, you can bet that my heart aches for you. I am who I am and that is all I will ever be.I wear my heart on my sleeve and I love deeply and passionately, whether the world sees it or not. I see beauty where ever I go in the world, I find joy in the simple things. Every day is a bright new possibility that I embrace with open arms, joyously! But most of all I am thankful, for EVERYTHING! Passionately grateful for life, for love, for everything and I show it! I let the people I care about know that I love them, many times a day usually! I hug, I touch, I cry, I say "I love you". Do I  fear? Of course I do, but I approach that the same way I do everything else, openly. And usually I find that there really was nothing to fear after all.

This genuine openness is something that is inside me, that I can't control nor can I hide it.  I have been told it is a rare trait, that I am unique and special because I possess it. I have been told that this trait makes me stand out among others. This trait though is also my downfall in the friend-making department. Because I possess this trait, I look for it in others and gravitate toward it. Because it is a rare characteristic, it is difficult to find, meaning I don't easily make friends.

To me, to be anything less than open and real is not acceptable. I can't stand when a person is fake or misrepresenting themselves, in anyway. If I feel that someone is not being genuine with me, I don't have time for that person. If you don't like me, that is fine, I can deal with that. I understand that not everyone will. But don't act like you are my best friend then either. I can see right through you.You don't REALLY care. Don't pretend to be someone you're not. And before you judge me and decide that you don't like me, why don't you get to know me? Its all there for the world to see, but only those close enough will get the benefit! It really does confuse me how people can be one person one time and another later. I don't understand how people can change their spots in an instant, one minute being a sneering, snobby bitch and the next be sugary sweet. I've seen it happen often and with many people and I still don't understand it.

I am not saying that I have never acted this way. I am sure that I have or at least appear to have to other people. But the difference is that in me, it has been unknowingly and unintentional. And many people probably look at me and think "there is NO WAY she can honestly care that deeply". How wrong they are, I do care THAT deeply.

Being this type of person causes my heart to be bruised and broken quite often. Many times tears are shed because someone has trampled on my feelings. I have been labeled too sensitive, emotional and odd. I'm okay with that. It has taken me a long time to see the truth of who I am and to be okay with it. I have learned that it really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. And I love with all my heart. I wouldn't change who I am for all the tea in China and I hope to pass this on to my children so they too can live with a joyous, open, loving heart.

God's Blessings on all of you my Dear Sweet Ones,
May He fill your life with His abundant blessings!

What I am Thankful For:
Sunshine in January
Friends who see the real me and appreciate it
Family who loves me unconditionally
Paul for helping me to understand and loving me in a way no other ever has

Who I am Praying For:
My Friend who Suffers from Depression
My children that God may guide their lives
Our Government, that they make wise decisions for our country
Our Service Members around the globe

Handmade Gifts...

I am sure many of you are aware of the chain statuses that hit facebook from time to time. You know the ones, its daughter's week, its son's week, copy and paste this if....well I see a new one hit this week and its one I have decided to participate in.  I don't do the Farmville, or Cityville or what ever other "Ville's" they are working on this week. I think they are silly and a waste of my time. This one, however, was so different it just caught my eye.

The post goes something like..."Pay it forward 2011- I promise to send something homemade to the first 5 people who comment on this status. In turn you must post this as your status and make the same promise. The rule is it must be homemade and it has to be given sometime in 2011."

I love homemade gifts. It doesn't matter if it is from a 4 year old or a 94 year old. The love that is put into the homemade gifts is the best in the world.I treasure every gift my kids make me in school and will treasure them for ever. Each one resides in a place of importance and prominence in my home until it is replaced by the newest treasure wrought by their hands. Then the older one is lovingly wrapped and put away for safe keeping. 


Some may call me a hoarder, but I don't think it has reached that drastic moniker just yet! I do love homemade...the Psyanky from my best friend for my daughter's birth, the quilt from my grandmother from when I was a child, the hand print pot holder from my daughter when she was in 2nd grade, the name plaque from my son. It is all treasured and held ever so dear...


So for this love of homemade, I will participate in this new and latest facebook fad. I already have the 5 people who commented and I have commented on a few. I can't wait to get started...my creative gene is calling me! And I can't wait to see what I get back! 


Since none of my winners visit me here (I don't think), I will post pictures of my progress. I do have a baby quilt to finish first and have all year to finish these...


I can't imagine a better way to start the new year and to work on one of my goals for the year "deepen my friendships and create new ones" than by giving the gift of love...


And with this, I want to leave you a thought..
God bless you all...


What I am Thankful For...
My  Children and the wonderful young people they are growing into
Sunshine after several dreary days
Hot Cocoa on a cold winter morning
Celebrations with friends
Reclaiming relationships


What/Who I am Praying for....
Jesus' love for me

Monday...

Well my Dear Ones,

I know it has been quite a few days again since I have posted anything. It seems my life has taken on a new twist yet again. I am sad to say that my close friend who suffers from depression attempted to take their own life on Friday night. I thank the Good Lord for His hand in it and thank Him for sparing my friends life, however I now know that the road ahead is even longer than once thought. Any prayers you can say for my friend would be greatly appreciated.

So as we work through this, I may not be here as often. Please know I think of you and am remembering you in my prayers as well. Hoping to see you soon...

Yours in Christ...
Sheila

Snow, snow and more snow.....with a touch of gratefulness

I know I have nothing to complain about. Really, this winter has been relatively mild for a Wisconsin winter and I know there are places that have a LOT more snow than we have, but today, I am just sick of snow!

The first snow of the year is fun. I love to watch the kids laughing and playing in the snow, some for the very first time.The Christmas snow is beautiful too. To be inside where it is warm, snuggled in with loved ones watching the world outside turn into a huge snowglobe with the gigantic flakes floating down from the heavens. And even a blizzard can be a blessed event. See my previous post about the best weekend ever to see what I mean.

But these constant, every other day, 1 -2 inch things are absolutely pointless! They do nothing but mess up the roads and wreak havoc for everyone.They make travel difficult and mess up plans. They cause extra work and extra layers!

I keep trying to remember why it is that I choose to remain here in the Midwest where snow is a weekly (and at times, daily) occurance.

My roots run deep here, 5 generations worth and most of my family is still here. I can't imagine living someplace that the seasons don't change and I know that having winter makes the springtime all that sweeter, but right now, I am really sick of snow! 

I feel like a complete whiner today, so instead, I will try to focus on my gratefulness. I will remember those things that make me glad to be alive. The things that bring a smile to my face and bring the sun to my heart!

Today I am Thankful For:
My wonderful, beautiful children who make me laugh and smile every single day!
My beloved boyfriend, who loves me as no other has
My adored family, father, brothers,  sis-in-law, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles and cousins....
My best friends, with me for many years
Memories of my mother and grandmother
A warm house filled with love and laughter
Having a job, close to home


Those I am Praying For
All those dealing in one way or another with the many natural disasters affecting this world.
Everyone affected by the tragedy in Tuscon last Saturday
My children, that God hold their lives in His hands and direct their steps on the path of His choosing.
Safety, health and provision for all family and friends
Healing for my friend with depression.

And I leave  you with this thought...."Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever."  1 Chronicles 16:34

Love and peace to you my Dear Ones....

Ponderings.....

Hello Dear Friends....

I am sitting at my desk today, pondering all of the goals  I have for the New Year. There really is quite a list and  I have all the faith in the world that I can accomplish every last one of them. I just hope that I have the energy and ambition to follow through. It will take dedication and planning, perseverance and determination, all of which I know I possess. I have decided that to really make them come true, it will take one last thing. I HAVE to make them a priority.

Instead of procrastinating and finding other things to do, I just need to sit down and do it!   Make that budget, clean that closet, go for a walk.  The items on my list aren't HARD!  Most of my goals are either just time consuming (making a budget), take planning (family vacation),  just aren't that pleasant (cleaning out the closets and cupboards), or a combination of all the above (exercise). I just need to do it. Take that leap of faith, straighten my good Norwegian backbone and muscle on! Get to gettin' as my grandfather would say....

One of the plans is to blog it all! Make that list and use the blog to track my progress and check things off as they get done.Come along for the ride...Its gonna be a BUSY, productive, cleansing, inspiring year!