Hello Dear Sweet Ones...
Today I wear the mantle of melancholy, sadness seeping into my heart and oozing out of every pore. I'm not sure why today, but there it is, full out in the open, bringing tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart. I was at the coffee pot this morning and it overwhelmed me, threatening to crush my very spirit. My first notice of it was a remembrance of my dear sweet mother. There was a whiff of something resembling her perfume and then the heaviness descended. My heart aches with the longing for her, for her laugh, her smiles, her words of wisdom. Now, when I feel I need her more than ever, she is not here. It isn't her fault, I know and I know that she is much happier with our Lord, out of pain and out of sadness. Her well worn hands now soft and the wrinkles on her brow smoothed. She is out of worries, out of illness, out of fear and into the light of God. But I am still sad. I can't write this without the tears even after 2 years.
There are days that I need my mother more so than others. Today is one of those days. While I wrote in my last post that I know on these difficult days that my Lord and Savior goes ahead to blaze a trail, to help me find my way in this world, it is on days like today when I stumble along behind him, tears filling my eyes to the point that I can barely see His footprints on the ground in front of me.
As I sit here thinking of my mother, my mind moves on to others that have gone, those that have touched our heart and left us to grieve and I come to the understanding that while I grieve for them, I also hurt because of the change that naturally accompanies death. So many things change when a loved one passes over, little things and big things. Things you don't even think about until you go to do them (like make a phone call). Change happens, it always will, but that doesn't make it easy.
Hopefully tomorrow (or even later tonight) I will be able to go back to being at peace with my life....
In the meantime my Beloveds...
God Bless each and everyone of you...
Today I wear the mantle of melancholy, sadness seeping into my heart and oozing out of every pore. I'm not sure why today, but there it is, full out in the open, bringing tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart. I was at the coffee pot this morning and it overwhelmed me, threatening to crush my very spirit. My first notice of it was a remembrance of my dear sweet mother. There was a whiff of something resembling her perfume and then the heaviness descended. My heart aches with the longing for her, for her laugh, her smiles, her words of wisdom. Now, when I feel I need her more than ever, she is not here. It isn't her fault, I know and I know that she is much happier with our Lord, out of pain and out of sadness. Her well worn hands now soft and the wrinkles on her brow smoothed. She is out of worries, out of illness, out of fear and into the light of God. But I am still sad. I can't write this without the tears even after 2 years.
There are days that I need my mother more so than others. Today is one of those days. While I wrote in my last post that I know on these difficult days that my Lord and Savior goes ahead to blaze a trail, to help me find my way in this world, it is on days like today when I stumble along behind him, tears filling my eyes to the point that I can barely see His footprints on the ground in front of me.
As I sit here thinking of my mother, my mind moves on to others that have gone, those that have touched our heart and left us to grieve and I come to the understanding that while I grieve for them, I also hurt because of the change that naturally accompanies death. So many things change when a loved one passes over, little things and big things. Things you don't even think about until you go to do them (like make a phone call). Change happens, it always will, but that doesn't make it easy.
Hopefully tomorrow (or even later tonight) I will be able to go back to being at peace with my life....
In the meantime my Beloveds...
God Bless each and everyone of you...
What a beautiful post Sheila! Thank you for being so open and sharing your heart :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss of your mother. Grieving doesn't have a time limit, especially for someone so dear to your heart. This is a wonderful tribute to your mom.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Marcia