Loving on my Yard!

As many of you know, I am in the process of trying to by my parent’s home. This is the home I grew up in and I am so excited to have it for my little family. My beloved Mama passed away 4 years ago and my father has since remarried. He and his new wife decided that they needed a smaller house with fewer steps and a smaller yard, sidewalk and driveway. It was getting to be too much to take care of. None of us wanted the house to go, and I am the only one of the children in the position to be able to potentially buy it, so I am doing my best to do just that! I am praying hard about this because financially it will definitely be a stretch, but the Lord will provide a way if it is meant to be.

 I love this house. I love the rooms inside, the basement, and the garage. I love the feeling of home and roots and belonging. The town I live in is only about 800 people, and I love knowing my neighbors and having people honk and wave as they go by the house. It makes my heart happy when people stop to visit because they see us out in the yard or on the front porch. But one of the things I love most is the yard and the ability to be outdoors again and not feel like my neighbors are right on top of us. We have space to spread out and breath. 

 

There is a double lot with the house so we have plenty of room for kids, grandkids (eventually) and pets. I can have all the gardens I want…vegetable, flower, herbs! And fruit trees, grape vines and berry patches! I have a clothes line that I want to expand and a shed that will make an awesome gardening shed now that I don’t need it so much for storage! There is a spot for a sandbox and room for a fire pit and of course my dad’s famous horseshoe pits! I am so excited for spring! I want to put a tire swing in the walnut tree and maybe eventually a playhouse (for little ones who may need such a place some day).

My parents let the vegetable garden go back to yard in the last few years. Mama just couldn’t care for it anymore, but I plan on digging it back up soon and having a royal feast later this summer! I can’t wait to put my canner and pressure cooker to work in the fall! Corn and beans and peas, tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers, carrots and watermelons! I will be putting in berry patches and grape vines too, but I am not sure if anything will come the first year. There is an apple tree already and I plan on adding more so that we will have a small orchard along the back lot line. Maybe pear trees too, along with rhubarb! Yummy! So much abundance to come!

My dad was an avid flower gardener and there are flower gardens in every corner of the yard! Front yard, side yard, behind the garage, at the end of the horseshoe pits, and in the far corner of the lot. They are everywhere and I can’t WAIT to see what comes up and add my own touches and ideas! Princess Pea and I already planted Daffodils, Irises, and Tulips to come up this spring! She is excited to check their progress. Yesterday she discovered that the tulips she planted with her Grandma several years ago are still growing and will bloom again this spring! My favorites, the lilacs, are already starting to bud! We have 5 big bushes of them!

 

 

 

 

And because of all the tree cover, there are the birds. Oh my Mama loved birds and fed them all year round! We have finches, mourning doves, sparrows, black-capped chickadees, cardinals, blue jays, tufted titmice, nuthatches, juncos, and woodpeckers. There are feeders in the trees and right next to the kitchen window. Soon we will have the orioles and the hummingbirds too. I could sit for hours and watch them. What the birds don’t eat, the bunnies and squirrels sneak away. We also feed those furry little critters, but I am starting to second guess that thought as I think we may have peanuts growing in our yard this summer!

The view from our yard is just spectacular! No matter what season it is or what direction you look, the view takes my breath away. In spring, the hills turn this beautiful color of green, bursting at the seams with new growth. In the summer, the dark green leaves and evergreens fill the hillsides. Autumn brings a blaze of orange and red and yellow and in winter, the trees hang heavy with their burden of glistening white snow. Looking out one window I can see the neighbor’s fields stretching to the hillside and out the other I can see the steeple of the church where my beautiful Mama is laid to rest. And of course, don’t forget to look up. In a town of this size, with very few street lights, the stars are amazing!

I love our home and especially our yard. I hope you enjoyed the tour and will come back to visit! I can’t wait to show you my flowers in bloom!  God’s Abundant Blessings to you my Friend….

Ah Ha Moment!!!

I am a Christian. I have been for many years. I got “saved” in high school because one of my best friends was and it sounded like the right thing to do. Honestly I didn’t even know what it meant at the time. I knew that I believed in God. I knew that the Bible was the Word of God and that it was Truth. I knew that Jesus died for my sins. That’s about it. Everything else I knew, or thought I knew was hearsay or stories from other people. I never opened my Bible, I prayed only when I needed something, and my church attendance was dismal. It really didn’t change a thing in my life. 

Over the years, I met people who explained the Gospel, people who told me how to REALLY become saved. I met people who sat with me and discussed the meaning behind accepting Christ and who encouraged me. So again, periodically, I would confess my sins, ask Jesus to be my Lord and Savior and then go right back to my sinful life, my limited views, and my wayward thoughts. I didn’t consider myself a “BAD” sinner. I didn’t steal and. I didn’t lie (much), I have never killed anyone or beat them up. But I did sin and even worse, I did not repent.

Somehow, someway knowledge about what it meant to be a Christian started to seep into me. Whether it was from the people God placed in my life (for that is what I now know it was), to signs He gave when I prayed, to overheard conversations, I was growing in faith. And the more I grew in faith the more my husband (at the time) grew away from me. He started calling me “Bible Thumper” and making fun of my beliefs. Over time, the decision was made to divorce, but as soon as I was away from him, I also let go of my faith. It was like once again, I only “used” God in a time of crisis.

 For a long time I felt like a fraud. I believed and yet I didn’t. I guess it is because I didn’t know how. I prayed, but for the wrong things. I questioned whether I would honestly go to Heaven when I died. Even though I had asked Christ to be my Lord and Savior, I  wasn’t sure and I felt that if I wasn’t sure, then I surely wasn’t going to Heaven. I knew the truth but felt disconnected. I felt unloveable, broken, weird, different than everyone else. I felt like Jesus came for everyone BUT me. He couldn’t possibly want me. I was ugly inside, I was a mess, I had done rotten things. No one was as horrible as I was. I didn't get it.

Then I met Honey (nearly 8 years ago now) and one of the first questions I asked him was if he is a Christian. I was relieved to hear that he is, even if he had moved away from his faith. Just knowing that he had knowledge in this area helped, though I didn’t know why. For some reason it was important to me that he be a Christian. At this point I was a year divorced and not living a very Christian lifestyle, but sometime during the early part of our relationship, I could feel Christ calling me back, so every once in a while, I would read a bit in the Bible or listen to Christian CDs,. I also started reading blogs posted by Christian women, including the Proverbs 31 girls. Then when my son was ready to be confirmed, I started to attend church more. Thankfully God led me to a Bible teaching church that teaches salvation and how to attain it. But once again, after Cookie Monster was confirmed, my church attendance and my faith once again dropped off.

Then, a few years ago, I started reading Christian authors (not the ones who write the Amish stories either, though they are good as well). Serious Christian authors who right about everyday women, like me and you, and how they deal with life in this world that continues to spiral downhill. They wrote about being having bad days and bad hair and screaming kids and messy houses. I read Ann VosKamp, Lysa Terkeurst, Mary Beth Whalen and drank in their words via blogs and books.

Not long after, a Christian radio station was started in a nearby town with towers in my little home town. It had been 8 years since I listened to Christian radio and had forgotten how much I loved it. It's all I listen to now and I am so excited about it! Every word I hear is positive, encouraging and upbeat, instead of the negative, degrading, sad, or depressing songs on conventional radio. I started to really listen to the words of the speakers – Chuck Smith, Skip Heitzig, Allastair Begg, Ravi Zacharias, and others! I found Chuck Smith going through the Bible verse by verse every day on my way to work. What a treat! There was so many stories that I had never heard. And then Skip Heitzig preaching the Gospel of John on my way home! I wanted to stop my car and listen, to take notes, to drink in what they were saying. I had been praying that God would give me a thirst for His word and He did! That and so much more. I have been reading my Bible every night at bedtime, listing out my gifts from God, and praying more as well. I even have the Bible app on my cell phone and have plans that I study every night and there are different versions of the Bible so I can cross check and read a different version if something doesn't make sense.

Then yesterday I received a daily blog post from one of my very favorite authors and it spoke directly to my heart. This author is someone I would consider a “put-together” woman. She’s got it all going on, everything I want. Beautiful, thin, stay at home mom, lots of kids, lives on a farm, homeschools, beautiful home, great photographer, powerful writer. I wanted so much to be just like her. I tried, I really did. Then she posted yesterday and I went WOW! Her post was on her “messy life”. She is broken, she is messy. She has fierce internal monsters to slay. She is insecure. She is afraid. She is emotional. She is sweet. She is kind. She has felt unloveable. She is loving. She loses her temper. Her house is dirty and messy. There are crumbs on the counter, dirty dishes in the sink, laundry piled high. Her pictures prove it and they made it real for me. She is not perfect, and yet, she is secure in the knowledge that JESUS DIED FOR HER AND SHE IS ON HER KNEES THANKFUL.

And then it hit me, hard, like a ton of bricks, knocking the very wind out of my gut and bringing tears to my eyes. She is ME! If she is not perfect and Jesus came for her, then he came for me as well, in all my messy, broken, unloveable, imperfection.  What a revelation! After all this time (nearly 30 years) I feel it! I am secure in the fact that I am a "God Girl" like Jamie Grace sings. I may not feel that way tomorrow, next week or next year but for now it is enough for me and I am so incredibly humbly thankful for that!

Scenes from our morning walk!

Honey and I got out to enjoy the nice weather we have been having and took Miss Luna with us. She loves to walk and we are exercising! My goal is 30 lbs in 3 months.  I have been trying to incorporate extra movement where I can. Cookie Monster graduates in June and I want to look and feel good. We are also doing a memorial 5K for one of his classmates in June. She was killed in a terrible car accident last summer.

Anyway here are a few pictures of our walk thus morning! They are only from my phone so maybe not the best quality. I will have to try to remember my big camera next time! Enjoy the views of my home town!

Hope

 

 

 

 

 

 

Praise the Lord, today we had sunshine. I can’t explain the exquisite feeling of the warmth falling across my face as I raise my eyes to the Lord in thanks! It brings me hope that all will right itself in the world. What a small wondrous gift!

Things have been a bit off at our house for a while. I’m not sure if it is an attack of that age old serpent or if it is God trying to redirect me onto a different life path. In either case, my world seems to have turned upside down. Where things were once hopeful and possible, they are now full of fear, doubt and questions. I turn to God and ask, but am so unsure of His answer. I have been trying so hard to listen for His message, His calming embrace, His long ago promise. In the middle of the night, my heart pounding with fear, my veins pulsing strong, throbbing paralyzed, I hold my breath and listen

 

hard for His voice. Sometimes the whispers are just out of earshot, thrummed out by the whine of the ceiling fan or the rustle of linens as Honey turns over. Sometimes I am so afraid I won’t hear Him; that I will never find the path He so desperately wants me to follow. What if I have already missed it?

My life feels a mess, broken, dead. The strong beautiful relationship with Honey is being questioned. My children are forgetting lessons taught long ago. My finances are a mess when they weren’t just a few short months ago. The home that I love, my parent’s home, is in danger of being taken due to the ruins of my life. My weight grows along with my fear and anxiety. I want to sleep and do little else. But every day, I force myself from my warm cozy cocoon, place one foot in front of the other and face the day yet again! I go on because I must. I have babies who need me and some days that is all that pushes me forward.

I try to remember the gifts bestowed on me and the hope that comes with them. I count little things like sunshine, a hug from Princess Pea, a smile from Cookie Monster, squirrels chasing in the yard. I concentrate on them, writing each in my journal faithfully, holding them close like a lifeline, like they are all that tie me here on earth. If not for them, my throbbing fearful heart would fly me away to who knows where. I watch for the gifts, the small nudges that He is right there, waiting for me, watching me, holding me when I need it. It is all I can do!

And now spring has arrived, well technically at least, the date on the calendar showing it has, and a weak sunshine has been pouring through the window. And with this small gift of sunshine, the seed of hope that has been dormant for so long is starting to crack, just a bit. I feel the first unfurling of the vines, waiting to wrap around my heart and lift me up. I feel the warmth of the sunshine, even though the rest of the earth is yet cold. I feel it inside, the beginnings, but it is there. It grows with every step I take in my Christ Journey and with every word I read in His book

So I have made a determination for myself. I WILL keep moving forward, and I will do so, leaning on my Lord every step of the way. I will thank God for the gifts he continually sends my way. I will ask for His help to get my finances in order and pray that buying this house is in His plan for my life. Where ever I live, I WILL fill it with love, with laughter, with hope and mercy and grace.  I will lean on God all the while thanking Him for his gifts and goodness.

Dreaming

Hi there! So glad you could join me today! I'm just sitting here dreaming about want I our of life and am happy to have someone to talk about it with.

See I'm not even close to where I want to be in life.  I thought by now I would be well on my way to my 25th wedding anniversary, have my kids, be a stay at home mom, running and organizing the house and homeschooling the kids while my husband worked. Church on Sundays with dinner at grandmas after. I would have my garden, do the canning, laundry on the line. Have relative financial security.

Ha! Not even close. I wasn't even married for 10 years. I work full time and do whatever odd jobs I can bring in to make extra money.  As a single working mom, my kids attend public school. And while Honey is a stay at home, he doesn't get much done. He would rather just read. And my finances need serious attention. And it all weighs on my heart.

So anyway,  enough belly-achin, It's not gonna help me get where I want to be.  I work hard to keep the sad, overwhelming depression from getting to me and just work through it. God promises in the Gospel of John that he will take care if us, just as  he did for the disciples in the Sea of Gallilee. Jesus walked on water to get them and take care of them. So even if I don't know what my future holds or where I am going I know that Jesus,  my Savior, will be there to care for me.

So my dream you ask? Well other than what I listed above, I think I would like to open a Christian based Bed and Breakfast. A place that retreats can be held, families can vacation, and couples can reconnect.

Honey turned me onto the idea of spiritual gifts. I looked them up an mine seem to be hospitality and mercy and there were two more along the same lines. It seems that running a bed and breakfast would be right up my alley. Now to set goals and make priorities to start taking steps in the right direction!

First step, get finances back under control and stop procrastinating and counting on others for help.  Ugh...this one may hurt!

Well better get back to work. Until i can make my dream a reality, I need this job! Thanks for listening my dear friends! God bless each of you!

Weekend Activities

On the Road again!

Every other weekend I am supposed to take my kids to their dad's house. He lives 3 hours away so we meet half way. It doesn't always work out to be every other weekend.  Sometimes (OK a lot of times) during the school year the kids have activities going on the weekends. I have been very blessed that my ex-husband allows them to stay to participate.  Then the kids stay with him most of the summer.
Well this weekend is a weekend they go to their dad's which means we are travelling. Honey is driving and I am sitting in the back seat with Princess Pea and Luna. I decided to try to take a picture of me for posterity.

God Given Morning!

This morning on my way to work,  i couldn't help but think that I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth! And as I drove through the valleys, past the farms and fences,  looking at the beautiful hoar frost clinging to everything, I could only thank God for allowing me to live here.

I really wish I could have had the morning off so I could take my camera out to capture God's glory!  It took my breath away.

One Last Thing Tonight...

So I have been trying to learn to knit for quite some time. I really believe in the home  arts and want to learn them.  I can make plain knitted scarves but never really tried anything with a pattern.

Well earlier this winter I decided to push myself a bit. I asked for help on learning how to increase and decrease and bought a fabulous book from Barnes & Noble.  

After many trials and errors, stops and starts, and ripped out stitches,  I've done it! Tonight I finished my first "non-scarf" knitted item and it has a pattern!

It may only be a dish cloth but I am so very proud if it!

Scrapbooking!

 

 

I have been working on getting Cookie Monster's scrapbooks caught up. I think I left off when he was four and I want to get them done for his graduation (Like I don't have enough on my plate). So I spent tonight working on his scrapbooks with Princess Pea working on her own project right next to me. We had a great night! I feel like I am starting to get some of my creativity back!

 

 

 

I love looking at all the pictures. They bring back so many memories! It is wonderful to see faces from my past jump out at me!

 

 

 

Princess Pea was working on her own project tonight. She printed pictures from the internet that reminded her of her best friends and put them onto scrapbook paper. The she decorated the rest of the page with doodles, words, and funky designs. She is going to give them to her friends tomorrow.  

 

 

I have so many papers to choose from that sometimes it gets kind of confusing and over whelming trying to decide which ones to use. I try to match the colors of the paper to the colors in the pictures. 



 

 

Some of the pens we use in our paper projects. There are Sharpies, pens that right on dark paper a white pen for black paper, metallic pens, water color pencils, and brush pens. 

 

 

 Well, it's been a busy evening, but so relaxing! It's nice to just sit and spend time with my Princess Pea!

 

God's Blessings to you all my Dear Friends....

 

Love Sheila