But I haven't been living that way over the last year or longer. It is like taking care of Paul (Honey) drained everything out of me that was me. It took all I had to make it through every day and I am still recovering even though it has been a year or more. I was left feeling scarred, fractured, broken, alone. I was financially destitute, close to losing all I hold dear. Where once I had control over every aspect of my life, I was left floundering and drowning. I put away my camera, my writing, my gardens, all my creativity. My beliefs suffered, my self esteem and my family life all disappeared and were gone. My home and my life were nothing but chaos. I have been short tempered, nasty, gossipy and just plain ornery, with my family, my friends, co-workers and even my pets.
Looking back, I needed to take time to heal and recover and remember who I am. I am not 100% but I am moving in the right direction. I am soul searching, going back through old journals and blog posts trying to recover what is essentially me. Where my priorities were before his PTSD and depression and my sheer survival overtook my life. I am moving back toward my spirituality which I also lost, and regaining my positive outlook. It may take awhile yet, but I am getting there.
I have begun reading again, and book collecting of course (a new one arrives today from Amazon!). I have pulled my sewing basket and fabric out and taking an interest in my home once again. I am cooking real meals and looking at house projects. I am anticipating warmer weather for getting into the gardens and am journaling and praying more.
I can't say that I will return to blogging on a consistent basis yet, but I am trying to get on here more, post more pictures and just become me. It's time to get back to the basics, the basics of what makes me, ME!!