Letting Go

Hello Dear Friends,

Today I am feeling a bit on the sad side. One of the biggest challenges we face as Moms is letting our child grow up and spread their wings. It is hard to admit that they have minds of their own and don't always believe that "Mom knows best". I am confronted with this nearly every day with my 15 year old Cookie Monster. He is on the verge of manhood and yet such a little boy in so many ways. And of course in my Mama eyes, he is just a wee little one, still needing his Mama.

Well, last night my wee little Cookie Monster (who isn't so small any more) blurted out that he is going to live with his father for the summer. His dad and I have been divorced for seven years and live in different states about 3 hours apart. He said that he intends to come "visit" on some weekends, but will actually be living with his dad. Last summer, Cookie Monster wanted to go live with his father permanently. I convinced him that it would be in his best interest to finish out his schooling where he started it. He is halfway through high school and it is so difficult to adapt and adjust to a new one. He would have been going from a school with only 71 in his class to a school with nearly 600 in just his class, more than in his entire current high school! Huge adjustment on his part. After many tears, sleepless nights and a trip to a counselor, he agreed to finish his school here, on the condition that he live with his dad in the summer.

While it pains me deeply to think he will not be here, I know that if I try to stop him it will only make him resent me and could severely and permanently damage our relationship. I don't want him to go for so many reasons, some selfish, others not so much, but I know that at some point I have to let him try things out for himself. If I don't he will always wonder what would have, could have been. Its been hard enough on him to be away from his dad without me taking this away too. I am hoping that this will allow our relationship to grow and that we will still be close.

So I will let go..I will let my sweet little Cookie Monster live with his dad for the summer and every day I will pray that his choices and decisions are guided by God and that every step he takes will be under the protection of the mighty living Lord......

Who I am Praying For Today:
My Sweet Cookie Monster as he learns to make his way in the world...
My Darling Princess Pea as yet more changes invade her life
Me too as I struggle under the burdens weighing down on me
My  Sweet Honey as he faces the challenges that threaten to overwhelm
My Step Daughter in the Making as she takes yet another step into the grown-up world
My Cousin, her Fiance and their new precious wee one as they learn to be a family
My Dear Friend's husband after his unexpected heart attack at the age of 41 and the surgery he is undergoing today
Another Dear Friends son as he fights through the many challenges facing him in his recovery from the IED
A Bloggy Friends nephew as he does the same...
My cousin's family as they lay Paul to rest today...He was a beloved husband, father, grandfather, brother, uncle,cousin and friend. May he Rest in Peace

What I am Thankful For:
A good nights sleep
My job
My beloved children
My Sweet Honey
My family, near and far

My health

Time...What a Gift!

Hello Dear Readers, I am so sorry I have gone and left you in the lurch for  quite some time now! Life has gotten so busy and I don't expect that to stop any time soon. The end of the school year leaves much to be desired. There are always contests, track meets, concerts, parades, and dance recitals. Not to mention graduations and the parties that need attending..

Today I am left wondering where the time goes. Indeed, it seems like just yesterday that my wonderful darling children were mere tots, following along behind me, copying everything I did. There were diapers to change, books to read, babies to rock and boo boos to kiss. There were finger smudges on everything, toys strewn on the floor and chocolate faced kisses. There was wonder and excitement about being alive and the enormous thrill of discovering everything. And it all seems like just yesterday....Where did all that go? How did I lose that in the midst of what can best be described as LIFE?

 Earlier today, I was looking at my calendar and  found myself amazed that my oldest child, my firstborn, will end his sophomore year of high school in a matter of mere weeks. And in between now and then, just to make the time go faster, we have no less than 5 track meets, 1 band concert, 2 proms (his girl goes to another school), 1 parade, State Solo and Ensemble contest, Fine Arts Banquet, Commencement ceremony for his cousin and friends, and all the graduation parties that come with that.

Add to that my daughters' schedule of 2 concerts, 5 dance practices, 1 dress rehearsal, 1 dance recital, 1 girl scout picnic and a princess coronation

And  my schedule, with 2 weddings and several graduation parties and well,  you get the idea! 

All of this leaves me wondering, why do we shove so many activities into our lives. When do we slow down and appreciate today, this very minute. How can we hold onto time as it slips so easily and quickly through our fingers?

In Ann Voskamp's book One Thousand Gifts, she states that the answer to slowing down time is Gratitude. Thanking God for all the small gifts in our lives that He bestows on us. Ann says that if we take the time to live fully in the moment, in the here and now, gratefully experiencing what is happening with an open heart, time will slow, just for a moment, and I think she is right....

So, I plan on tackling my busy schedule with a grateful heart, knowing that each moment will be a precious memory later in life and that maybe, just maybe if I jump in with both feet and savor every moment, time will slow...just for a moment!

God's Blessings on you my Dear Friends...

Who/What I am Praying For:
My Children, that God holds them in His hand
Jordan, Nicholas and all other military members injured serving their country
My friend suffering from depression as they battle the darkness yet again.
My cousin as she looks forward to her first child, any day now!
My friends who I know would drop everything when I need it
My family, I love you all dearly,

What I am Thankful For:
Red-winged Blackbirds - a sign of Spring here in Wisconsin
Awesome children
Friends who come to my rescue when needed
Little signs of hope
Pre-made dinners!
Family who step in and treat my children as their own.

Deep Thinking, Sadness and Change...

Hello Dear Sweet Ones...

Today I wear the mantle of melancholy, sadness seeping into my heart and oozing out of every pore. I'm not sure why today, but there it is, full out in the open, bringing tears to my eyes and a heaviness to my heart.  I was at the coffee pot this morning and it overwhelmed me, threatening to crush my very spirit. My first notice of it was a remembrance of my dear sweet mother. There was a whiff of something resembling her perfume and then the heaviness descended. My heart aches with the longing for her, for her laugh, her smiles, her words of wisdom. Now, when I feel I need her more than ever, she is not here. It isn't her fault, I know and I know that she is much happier with our Lord, out of pain and out of sadness. Her well worn hands now soft and the wrinkles on her brow smoothed. She is out of worries, out of illness, out of fear and into the light of God. But I am still sad. I can't write this without the tears even after 2 years.

There are days that I need my mother more so than others. Today is one of those days. While I wrote in my last post that I know on these difficult days that my Lord and Savior goes ahead to blaze a trail, to help me find my way in this world, it is on days like today when I stumble along behind him, tears filling my eyes to the point that I can barely see His footprints on the ground in front of me.

As I sit here thinking of my mother, my mind moves on to others that have gone, those that have touched our heart and left us to grieve and I come to the understanding that while I grieve for them, I also hurt because of the change that naturally accompanies death. So many things change when a loved one passes over, little things and big things. Things you don't even think about until you go to do them (like make a phone call).  Change happens, it always will, but that doesn't make it easy.

Hopefully tomorrow (or even later tonight) I will be able to go back to being at peace with my life....

In the meantime my Beloveds...
God Bless each and everyone of you...

When Friday turns into Monday...

Hello Dear Friends...

What do ya'll do when your Friday, the day that you look forward to most out of the whole week turns into a Monday? Not physically turns into Monday of course, but starts to have all the characteristics that are usually attributed to Monday, everyone seems to be crabby, seems like everything goes wrong, you don't want to get up, etc...

Well, unfortunately, that is how my day has started and is now continuing. It definitely feels like that guy Murphy is around here somewhere playing his awful tricks. Honey woke up late and in a questionable mood, computer acting weird at work, bad news for Honey that will potentially keep us apart for the weekend, Cookie Monster hurt his hip in track last night, Princess Pea is having difficulties with friends at school, worry about Honey's job come Monday if the Govt shuts down

My goodness, my list could go on and on and on.....Thank goodness I know that I have help on days like today!

We can be sure when we say "I will not be afraid,

because the Lord is my helper." Hebrews 13:6 NCV

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1

Our soul waits for the Lord;

He is our help and our shield

Psalm 33:20 NKJV

Someone walks beside me, guiding my footsteps, clearing the way for me to go. I can't imagine what I would be going through if God didn't go first....I imagine my life to be this incredibly dense forest, with trees and bushes and vines and brambles covering every inch.There is no way over, around or under. The only way is to go through, but there is no path. Imagine how difficult it would be to move forward and how much you must struggle to take even one step. Then I imagine that God goes before me, he cuts through the roughage with his scythe and ax, making a path for me to follow. He clears a way through the forest. It still may not be easy, it still may entail thorns, rocky ground and progress may be slow, but it is far easier to move through life with God going before making a path.

Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,

"This is the way, walk in it,"

whenever you turn to the right hand 

or whenever you turn to the left

Isaiah 30:21 NKJV

The Lord your God will lead you and

protect you on every side

Isaiah 52:12 GNT

Everyday I ask Him to guide me, to go before me, blazing a path for my footsteps to follow. On days like today, when Friday turns into Monday, I just have to remember to keep asking him and keep following his path.

Watch for His footsteps, they are there if you look hard enough...

God Bless each and every one of you...

Who/What I am Praying For:
Myself, that I search for Gods' footsteps with an open heart and follow them diligently
My Children, that He guide their steps as well
Honey and his children as they search for their own path through a very dense forest right now
Jordan that his recover continue
My brother as he goes through one of the roughest journey of his life
Family and Friends, far and wide

What I am Thankful For:
The promise of spring thunderstorms this weekend
A shopping spree at the fabric store with my sis-in-law, niece and Princess Pea (pictures to come soon I hope)
Unexpected dinner with my adored oldest brother
A close relationship with my family

Spring!

Well today is Wednesday and the sun is shining and the weatherman said it is supposed to be over 50 degrees today! And they are NEVER wrong right??? Ha ha! But in any case, just the sun streaming through the windows of my office is cause for my heart to soar and my spirits to lift tremendously!

I am dreaming of gardens today. I am making a trip to Home Depot or Menards this weekend to purchase the necessary supplies for my new, well, reclaimed flower/herb bed! I am so excited! I am getting the borders and dirt to go in it and my brother is coming to help me rip out old shrubs and bushes! I can't wait to see how it look and to start planting all the flowers and herbs in it! I will be adding bird feeders, wind chimes, chairs/benches, making my yard a welcome place for all!

Later this spring I am also purchasing a wooden shed from the Amish that live close to us. My dad has a large one and it looks so nice and the construction is top-notch! I won't need one as large as my dad's, but I am looking forward to the additional storage it will offer. I can really clean some things out of my house then. Seasonal items like fans and Christmas tree stands. Gardening tools, charcoal and lighter fluid and air compressors call all be moved out there, freeing up my laundry room to be just that, a laundry room. Once all of that is out of the laundry room, I am also going to re-purpose part of it into a pantry for large cooking items (lefse griddle, extra crock pot, etc...) and for my store of food and household items (the laundry room, not the shed hee hee)

This spring is really making me feel hopeful. I feel that I can actually do some of the things I have been wanting to do but haven't had the money. I will post pictures, before and after, so you can all see the progress I have made!  I'm so excited!

Who I am praying for: 
Jordan....may his wounds, both inside and out, continue to heal with God's loving touch...
My children unceasingly - (all of them, birth, step in the making, adopted)
Honey...as he goes through his day
Family and friends, flung far and wide.
Our government, the day after election day, that God has a hand in all they decide
The people of Japan as they recover and rebuild. For those that mourn, may God make Himself known and give them peace in their grief.

What I am Thankful for Today:
Sunshine
Dreams of gardens
Multi-colored pens, pink, purple, aqua, they just make my heart smile!
Reconnecting with loved ones and rebuilding relationships.
Friends of my teenager, asking to come to my house because they miss their "adopted" mom
Promises of tulips sprouting soon! 

Addictions....

Hello My Dear Friends...

Aren't you lucky...two posts from me in one day! Hee hee...I wanted to share with you some of my favorite addictions...:)

Books!

Sewing

Fabric!

Yarn

Pepsi, the WORST Addiction

Coffee...not far behind the Pepsi

 

 

 

Romantic Country Decorating...if only I could get my house to look like that!

So there, now you know a little more about what makes me tick! And I am off to one of my very favorite places in the whole wide world....my bed..

Good Night My Friends..

Who I am Praying for Tonight...
My Kids, asking God to watch over them
My Honey
My Family
My friend's nephew Jordan as he recovers from injuries he received overseas
My cousin Leah as she wades through the mess of school, work, having a baby in 2-3 weeks, a wedding in two months and having to move in the middle of all of this...
My cousin Amy, Leah's Mom, who lives far from her adored daughter

What I am Thankful for tonight....
Cookie Monsters (sons) and Princesses (daughters)
Amoxicillin for ear infections
Snoring Kitties
Memories of loved ones
Sunshine

Memories of Grandma

Hello Friends...I am feeling very melancholy today. I am missing my grandmother a great deal. She passed on a little over 3 years ago and I find that I miss her as much, if not more, today than I did the day she died. It doesn't take much to bring back memories of her, she was a very large part of my family all of my life. I saw her nearly every weekend and spent countless hours talking with her about many things.

Today I was looking through some websites for some canning recipes. My landlord has agreed to let me have a "small" garden this year and I am planning on taking advantage of that as much as I can, growing food for my small family and putting it up for next winter.

Well in my "surfing", I came across a recipe for apple sauce. One of my very favorite memories of my grandmother is of her and I, sitting at my kitchen table, peeling apples for my very first batch of homemade applesauce. She peeled, I cooked and canned and the whole time we talked. She gave instructions, showing me how to wipe the jars before putting on the lids. It was my first attempt at canning and I am so thankful I got to experience it with her.

I know that I will always miss my grandmother, but I also know that every time I make homemade apple sauce to can I will think of her....

Grandma Olive and Princess Pea

Finally Friday....decisions, decisons!

Hello Dear Friends!!

I am so glad to see you!  Thanks for stopping by for a visit! I hope you are all well and happy! We are fighting colds and ear infections at our house, so I was hoping for a few days of warm sunny weather where I could open the windows and get some fresh air into the house! But alas, Mother Nature has other plans! We woke this morning to a light snowstorm. The flakes were big and fluffy and it was simply beautiful as I looked out the window! While it was enchanting to look at, it is the first of April and I can honestly say that I am glad to know that it truly won't last long! In fact its lunch time, and much of it is already gone.

Well, its here...that day of the week we all look forward to........FRIDAY!! Its the day that makes me want to jump up and down, dance around and smile all day long! Most people are happy with Friday simple because it is the end of the work week and signals the start of two days of relaxation (or catching up on chores and errands), but for me, Friday holds another meaning altogether! Friday is the day that I finally get to see my Honey after a long difficult week!

It means that I get to be snuggled, cuddled, kissed and held. I get meals made for me (he is a fantastic cook) and I get pampered a bit! Some would say I am spoiled, I say I am just well taken care of. ;-) My Honey adores me (as I do him) and treats me as a princess when we are together.

Lately that time together has been infringed on by many outside forces, limiting us to see each other only every other weekend instead of every weekend, so each minute we have together is precious. That is why making the decision to go see him or stay at home this weekend even is even more difficult!

You see, Honey hasn't been home in over a week. So this tells me that he has laundry to do, a house to clean and other chores to attend to. While these chores are necessary, if I go to his house, I will feel like I need to help with these chores (which, unfortunately doesn't happen when he comes to my house, at least not very often). If I wanted to do these types of household chores, I should stay home and attend to mine. They are screaming for my attention as well. Another thought on this, if I go to his house, many of his chores will not get done anyway. He will

Another factor in this decision is financial. We are both trying to reign in our spending and with the cost of gas these days, it will be a hit in my pocketbook. If I didn't have to take my kids to my EX it wouldn't be so bad, but I have to meet him 1 1/2 hours north of my house and my Honey lives 2 hours south of my house. If you do the math, that is nearly 5 hours of driving and all the gasoline that comes with it and then to do it again on Sunday. . I would be spending well over $100 just in gasoline for my Jeep. Like I said, if I didn't have to take the kids to their dads it would be ok.

One more thing that I need to take into consideration. I have been fighting off the "crud" for a few days. I feel like I could lay my head down and just sleep. My head is full, my nose is full, my chest is congested and I just want to crawl in bed. I should take these 2 days without kids and just rest so that I get better and so I don't give it to him.

So, those are all the reasons why I shouldn't go....how about why I should.....He is my Honey and I love him and I want to see him and snuggle with him! I want to feel like I am not alone in this world or forgotten about. I want to see the love he has for me shining in his eyes....Our time together is limited already, why should I limit it even further?

So, any ideas what I should do? I have a bag packed and in the car, I will probably make up my mind when I am on the way back from dropping off my kids, right around the exit where I turn to go home or keep going straight to the arms of my Honey....